remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
