my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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