i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize