we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
