I am spending my child support on dildos
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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