He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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