I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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