I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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