Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
