if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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