Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
