some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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