Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
