The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
