i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
