He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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