I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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