I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
