you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
