Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
