I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize