So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
