we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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