In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
