We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
