Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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