While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
