I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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