ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
