I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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