She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
