Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
