i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
