i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
