and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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