There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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