Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
