Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
