I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize