I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
