that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
