Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
