tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
