I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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