this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
