Yo dont text me then not text me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
