she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm at about main and main street
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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