Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize