Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's like iHOP with fire
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will pee on everything he values.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
