I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
