he puts the penis in happiness.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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