please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
