I wanna bring you to show and tell
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
