My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
