My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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