Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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