Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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