dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
