***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
