so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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