you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
