I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
