upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize