if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize