I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We are two peas in an std pod
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
