she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
