This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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