chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want nice things and good sex
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
