here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
