Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
