Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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