they need to just BURY HIM!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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