she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
