i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
