I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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