dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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